Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
