he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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