he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
