I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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