I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
