I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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