i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
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