you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
