Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
