he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
