I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize