I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
