last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
