But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize