The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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