Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
