you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i came on her dog
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
