As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
