i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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