As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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