Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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