i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
