Did you just see the Batmobile???
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
