Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
