I think my fart just growled at me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
