I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
