you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
