I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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