My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
