thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
