yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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