My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
