I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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