If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
