I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
