we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
