My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
