I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
