I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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