why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
3pm strippers are depressing
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Pants are for mortals
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
