I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
