'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
my poor anus
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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