you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize