Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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