well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
