Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
