best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
