new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Boobs are out for the taking
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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