I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
