what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
