everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
