I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
