i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
