I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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