piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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