need another drink. this is the easiest way
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
