Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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