i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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