Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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