just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
