and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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