we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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