u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
