Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
