I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
