weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
