Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
