i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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