he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
