It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
