Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
