Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
