just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
