there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
