What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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