i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
